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Joke of the Day

"ME: you know what they say, curiosity killed the cat CAT: that's awful why would they say that? ME: really? CAT: *dies*"

"What's the difference between a thug and a pirate's dad? One's poppin' caps, and the other's cap'n pops!"

"What do you call a stoner working at a repair shop? High maintenance"

"I saw a police helicopter last night... ""Hey look, a flying pig""."

"*wife opens present* ""You got me the action figure you wanted?"" Ugh if you don't appreciate it then give me it *takes gift and runs to room*"

"What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use some Lube."

"Alright, alright. You can all have jet packs! [two days later] Reporter: Another 8000 dead today due to sky rage."

"Save yourself from a sexual harassment case. If a fellow employee asks, ""Do you know a place I can get Off?"". They may just need some bug spray."

"I got a job crushing cans... ...It's soda pressing..."

"If pigs really could fly I bet their wings would taste delicious."