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Joke of the Day

"So Porifera are hanging out in the ocean 680 million years ago.. ..when a Ctenophore swims by. One to the other asks, ""What just happened there?"" Buddy says ""Eumetazoa."""

"When I woke up this morning I was like, ""I really can't stay"" but my bed was like, ""Baby, it's cold outside."""

"A vegan, an atheist, and a CrossFit enthusiast walk into a bar. I only know because they wouldn't shut the fuck up about it."

"interviewer: what can u bring to the firm me: [places a tiny cactus on desk & smiles] interviewer: I meant like clients me: [removes cactus]"

"What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? I've never paid $100 to have a lentil on my face."

"Sarah Palin and Donald Trump served PB&J sandwiches at his last political rally because if you go to one of those, you're not allergic to nuts"

"Clown 2: Sorry man. You got outvoted by us, 42-1. We want to listen to ICP Clown 1: My VW Bug. I'm driving the carpool. It's Streisand."

"Did it hurt when YOU fell from heaven? If so, contact the law offices of Leon Molowitz, and get the monetary compensation you deserve!"

"Whats the hardest part about being a pedophile? Trying to fit in."

"What does a bored Spaniard eat? Aburrido."