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Joke of the Day

"A vegan, an atheist, and a CrossFit enthusiast walk into a bar. I only know because they wouldn't shut the fuck up about it."

"I feel sorry for people who don't have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor."

"I asked the waitress for a quickie and she slapped me. The old woman next to me said, ""It's pronounced 'quiche', dear."""

"I'm starting a secret society for people who have been banned from other secret societies. It's called The Illuminaughty. (Don't tell anyone, though. It's a secret.)"

"Watching these people in this commercial, rock climb, scuba dive & live life to the fullest, makes me wish I had genital herpes."

"I've found that the things I'm most interested in aren't really in my best interest."

"What did the German brat say to his father? You're the wurst!"

"Do you know about Bassist heaven? I've never heard of it"

"What do you call an arrogant robber? a condescending condescending"

"What up Holmes? ~Watson"