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Joke of the Day
"Had phone sex then I got hearing aids. EDIT: then"
Next Joke
"I asked one of my sumo-wrestling friends whether he wanted some sushi for dinner He just replied ""No thanks, I'm not a big Japanese guy"""
"What does a rabbi do when life gives him lemons? Makes hacidic jews"
"me: this cat is kissing me on the lips because it LOVES me cat: mother's lips taste perpetually of bacon"
"Beyonce is a great actress because there is no way she has the time or energy to have the kind of sex she sings about."
"the opposite of a charles manson is a nicole kidman"
"Met a hooker who said she'd do anything for $5 So I had her repost a joke for me that's been posted 5,000 times in the past week"
"What's it like to have a social life? Asking for a friend."
"What do you call a big fish who makes you an offer you can't refuse ? The Codfather !"
"[dinner negotiations] Wife: where do you want to go to eat? Me: ugh Wife: Me: you pick Wife: I'm craving kale Me: I'll pick"