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Joke of the Day

"Shout out to people who rate & review things cuz I don't like to rate or review things but I like to know how things are rated & reviewed"

"Morpheus: If you take the red pill, I will show you what the Matrix is. Neo: *ingests pill* Whoa. Morpheus: It's also a powerful laxative."

"Budweiser is like having sex in a canoe... It's fucking close to water."

"The Holocaust."

"When you're single nobody likes you... when you're in a relationship everybody likes you."

"[dog on trial for murder] lawyer: who's a good boy? dog: I am lawyer: your honor I rest my case"

"I put my baby on the baby changing station in the bathroom and when I was done, it was the same baby. :-("

"Why did the phone get away with its crime? Because it had good connections!"

"I saw a UFO yesterday. So I quickly grabbed the worst camera I own to film it with."

"If your rice accidentally gets wet, you can dry it out overnight by placing it in a bowl of cellphones."