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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the ghost who went on safari? He was a big-game haunter!"

"[in a normal speaking voice from top row of football stadium] Good luck today guys"

"I was asked to be an Elvis impersonator for a kid's birthday party. I showed up drunk, shot the TV, then died on the toilet."

"I just got back from a trip to Flint I went there to experience some Heavy Metal."

"How do you know your house had chicken pox? It has shingles."

"The good news is, Tony Abbott says Australia may have spotted two pieces of the plane. The bad news is, Tony Abbott says a lot of things."

"I'm pretty sure Jesus was Italian Because only an Italian mother could think her son was a god. And only an Italian son could think his mother was a virgin."

"it's hard to retire if you are in the tire business it seems like you have more work to do."

"What did Iron Man say when War Machine asked to come with him to the future? Rhodes? Where we're going, we don't need Rhodes."

"I built that beach a sandcastle. Beaches love sandcastles."