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Joke of the Day

"I have a friend who has a fetish on almonds. He's fucking nuts."

"My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records.... When the librarian saw me, she called the police."

"[comes out of coma after 12 years] ME: Holy shit I forgot to set my AIM status to 'Away'! DOCTOR: you might want to take a seat"

"How did Charlie Sheen contract HIV? He blew a Piston in his car."

"THIS JUST IN: Hooters seeks extra support due to unprecedented sagging. So yeah, Hooters is for sale."

"What's blue and gold and comes in brownies? Cub Scouts."

"Why did God make women last? He didn't want someone telling him what to do"

"How do you jerk off a sprinter? Pull a fast one."

"What did Bruce Banner get after having sex with as prostitute? a HULK RASH!!!!"

"I'm so embarrassed. I just learned that that Pringles holder on my treadmill is for water bottles!"