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Joke of the Day

"I'm so embarrassed. I just learned that that Pringles holder on my treadmill is for water bottles!"

"I hate people who think it's cool to take drugs ...like customs officers"

"Why is horse racing so romantic? Because the horse hugs the rails the jockey puts his arms around the horse and you can kiss your money goodbye!"

"Forgot we bought a Christmas tree. Woke up at 2 a.m., went to pee, thought it was a guy and almost called the cops on it."

"Its hard to say what my wife does for a living... ...because she sells seashells on the seashore"

"I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector. Didn't want it waking the wife and kids."

"{Prison Diary Day 7} Nobody is respecting the Swear Jar"

"Legend has it the ""M"" in MTV once stood for music."

"The guy who stole my personal journal has died... My thoughts are with his family."

"I used to supply filofaxes to the mafia I was involved in very organised crime"