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Joke of the Day

"My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records.... When the librarian saw me, she called the police."

"Not to brag, but they know me by name at the liquor store and the police station."

"Is my wife dissatisfied with me? A tiny part of me says yes.."

"How did Donald Trump know he had an STD? Because he was fired"

"How much did the pirate pay to have his ears pierced? a buck an ear"

"[chameleon conference] Boss: Is... everyone here? *crickets* Boss: I know Keith is. He brought the yummy crickets. Thx Keith: You're welcome"

"Whats the hardest part eating a vegetable? The wheelchair"

"I just came home with 25 pairs of carpenter jeans. . . My wife thinks I'm building a new wardrobe. BTW original, thought I'd share."

"My experience with organized crime was getting two friends to help me tip a vending machine while I reached up inside for chips."

"I, put commas, in, weird places, so that, you, read, my tweets, like William, Shatner."