93916

Joke of the Day

"[comes out of coma after 12 years] ME: Holy shit I forgot to set my AIM status to 'Away'! DOCTOR: you might want to take a seat"

"What's up? The price of pussy. (My math teacher in high school use to say this one, he was cool.)"

"I went to the health clinic the other day... My doctor said I weighed 483 pounds but I shouldn't worry about it because we are in the UK"

"A donut walks into a gas station... ...and asks for a pack of cigs. The clerk says, ""can I see your ID please?"" Then the donut says, ""Sprinkles"""

"It still makes me sad to think there are people out there who have a favorite Kardashian."

"Homophobia is stupid. Who the hell is afraid of homes."

"After reading your recent updates, I'm surprised that Facebook hasn't yet asked you, ""Whatever's on your mind, could you keep it to yourself?"""

"All the kids..... All the kids wrote poems, except for Johnny, he couldn't rhyme"

"Went out dressed as a chicken last night and got with a girl who was dressed as an egg and a life-long question was answered... Turns out, it was the chicken!"

"Why is it called stand-up comedy? Because people in wheelchairs shouldn't be laughed at."