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Joke of the Day

"my drafts folder is a lot like all of my exes. they totally made sense in my head at the time, but now I cringe when I look at them."

"If a man strikes thee on one cheek, turn to him the other. Then, having shown thyself impregnable to cheek attack, beat the crap out of him."

"A man gave his dog a bone... and was subsequently charged and tried with beastiality."

"The chef asked me how I liked my eggs and I accidentally said uneasy instead of over easy. Now I have some uncomfortable eggs staring at me."

"I asked my English friend what his favourite summer accessory is. He said, ""Clouds."""

"I'm not saying Ellen Pao is Hitler but.. I haven't seen the two of them in the same room.."

"We don't serve time machines A Time machine walks into a bar"

"White people be loving the shit out of fall foliage."

"Did you know I'm actually ambidextrous... I can actually write fuck all with both hands!"

"A joke about procrastination. Eh, I'll write it later."