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Joke of the Day

"The chef asked me how I liked my eggs and I accidentally said uneasy instead of over easy. Now I have some uncomfortable eggs staring at me."

"My tweets don't get the attention they used to. I've seen more stars after getting my head slammed into the headboard."

"A woman walks into a bar. She asks the bartender for a double entendre, and the bartender gives it to her."

"How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? It's not hard!"

"Twitter should allow you to select the font your tweets appear in; thus giving me yet another thing to judge you by."

"What do you call a gorilla who magically smokes weed? Hairy Potter."

"Your loud tweeting woke me up. Someone must have typed in all caps."

"BREAKING: An egg. I'm making scrambled eggs."

"Whoever decided to use pantyhose as a bank robbing disguise must have had one hell of a speech to convince his buds to follow along."

"they once said an apple a day keeps the doctors away... But todays world all doctors are muslim, so i find bacon works better!"