141271

Joke of the Day

"Break ups are the worst in China You see her face everywhere"

"""I high fived a shark, and then we ate burritos."" - Martin Luther King Jr.'s other dream."

"what did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? we are both lawyers"

"My cleaning lady always leaves me a list of supplies she needs to clean the house. Not sure what she needs 20 boxes of cold medicine though"

"Commandment XI: There Shall Be No Boner Sound Other Than ""Boioioioioioing"""

"My dad: See, when you said you'd met a ""special someone"" we thought... Me: Go on. My dad: Me: [taking hold of the penguin's flipper] GO ON."

"A recruit examines the food served to him in the batallion dining room. - Do I have any choice here he asks a sergeant. - Yes you do. You may eat it or not."

"Always tweet as if your unfollowers are watching."

"I'm not going to sugar coat this - you have diabetes"

"I read my daughter a book about a Frogapotamus last night and dreamt of riding one. Tonight I'm reading her Hugh Jackman's autobiography."