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Joke of the Day

"Who's the laziest doctor at the hospital? ''Doctor Dolittle.'' EDIT: The doctor off that movie that talks to the animals."

"Being with you is like listening to golf on the radio."

"Me: let's go vegetarian Husband: can we still eat eggs M: of course H: fish? M: obviously H: bacon on special occas- M: we'd be crazy not to"

"The dirtiest joke I know: What is the difference between a baby and a freezer? One does not scream when I pack my meat into it."

"Rob a bank with a Nokia How would you rob a bank with a nokia? Walk in hold up a nokia, Robber: Get the fuck down i gotta nokia Lady: Holy shit hes got a nokia AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Something like that"

"What do you call a group of Ocelot? An Awful-lot."

"You know, redheads... are pumpkin spiced all year round."

"What's the difference between a cat and a comma One has claws on it's paws. The other is a pause in a clause."

"A man walks into a bar with Harambe Bartender: What can I get you ? Harambe: I'll have a beer. Man: No, he'll have just ice. Bartender: Just ice? Man: Yes, justice for Harambe."

"*wife offers me a sip of her water* m: Am I gonna catch what you have? w: No m: w: m: Are you sur- w: You're not going to get my period!"