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Joke of the Day

"How do you get a drummer off your doorstep? You pay for the pizza."

"TIL that my neighbors really like the metal song i'm playing on my 7.1 sound system I figured because he thrown a brick at my window to hear it better ! \m/"

"I replaced the bulb in my refrigerator with a tanning bulb... that way if I ever get fat, at least I'll have nice color."

"You're saying that the two people I don't want for president, one is in poor health? I'm voting for the dying one."

"How does a crazy person travel through the woods? They take the psychopath."

"Sorry I can't go out. I forgot to charge my phone halfway though the day."

"Why can't you trust a snowman? Because they're all a bunch of flakes"

"I'd slap you but I'm pretty sure they would call it animal cruelty."

"What did the army recruiter say to the gay wizard? ""Don't ask don't spell."""

"What's the difference between racism and chinese people? Racism has many faces."