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Joke of the Day

"I'd slap you but I'm pretty sure they would call it animal cruelty."

"I am NOT just 'a piece of meat' you know. I'm a ribeye steak... a bit fatty, but still quite tasty. Ok, I lied. I'm pork butt."

"What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? (NSFW) I'll see you next month."

"Who is the easiest to get a high-five from in a war? The French. They always have their hands up."

"cremation vs burial During a tunisian funeral , a buddhist tourist asked a man . -why don't you burn the body ? - we just buried the body because God will burn him down"

"What do you call a Jew with a pH lower than 7? ....hasidic I'll let myself out now. I know that was matzo good..."

"After seeing your latest selfie ... And knowing what you look like in real life.... I'd like to hire you for your photoshopping abilities."

"Down in de islands, what do they call de dew in de morning? Daylight come!"

"It's actually pretty convenient the Alan Rickman died so soon after David Bowie. You can just move your lightning bolt up a few inches for the funeral and fit right in."

"Did you know the triathlon was invented by a gypsy He walked to the swimming pool and rode a bike home"