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Joke of the Day

"TIL that my neighbors really like the metal song i'm playing on my 7.1 sound system I figured because he thrown a brick at my window to hear it better ! \m/"

"Who is the idiot that called it ""possession of marijuana"" and not ""joint custody""?"

"I downloaded ""ambient coffee shop"" track. Just low talking, dish clanking, & one lady yelling ""Finn. Look at mommy. FINN. You want a scone?"""

"If I had a million dollars for every time I looked at the negative side of things, I'd have way too many god damn taxes to pay."

"Just been to my first Muslim birthday party. The musical chairs was a bit slow, but fuck me the pass the parcel was quick!"

"Respect to this dude at CVS whose sole purchase is Frosted Flakes"

"Look mom, my tits are bigger than yours! :D ""That's not funny, Kevin."""

"What kind of fabric does Mario use? Denim denim denim."

"If King Kong went to Hong Kong to play ping-gong and died what would they put on his coffin? A lid."

"Just texted ""I love you"" to about 40 phone numbers I made up."