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Joke of the Day

"Just once...one time; can't we buy a tree that doesn't try to attack me when I come home drunk at 2am."

"If an ant smells bad, what is it called? De-Oder-Ant"

"""Huge hole found growing on surface of Sun"" *drops string cheese* ""This hole is no cause for alarm"" *picks up string cheese*"

"What did one lesbian vampire say to the other? My pad or yours?"

"What did the artist ask Shakespeare when he was sketching his portrait? 2B or not 2B?"

"wife: How was work? [flashback to me being asked to leave the meeting because I couldn't stop giggling after someone said ""abreast""] me:Good"

"When's ladies' night at the Mexican restaurant? Taco Tuesday"

"Did you hear about how the Police were called to a daycare yesterday? a three-year-old was resisting a rest"

"So I'm not allowed near petting zoos... .. Or as I prefer to call them, heavy petting zoos."

"Now, if we could only get some white smoke to come out of the White House's chimney."