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Joke of the Day

"Hey, websites, don't worry about me. I'll accept the fuck out of your terms and conditions."

"I didn't plan on getting a brain transplant... But then I changed my mind."

"Why couldn't the whore house build a second story? To much fucking overhead"

"Coworker: it's dark already Me: I know, Dan. I have eyes CoW: it's only 5 'o clock Me: I KNOW DAN CoW: it's early Me: THAT'S HOW EARTH WORKS"

"Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? Because she was a woman."

"me: [performing autopsy] so I've been practicing my ventriloquism assistant: now's not the time corpse: aw come on"

"*runs my fingers thru your hair* *tightens grip* *pulls your head back* *looks you in the eye* Me: WTF do you mean you ate the last donut?"

"My wife divorced me after years of daily penis enlargement surgeries. She couldn't take it any longer."

"*lil wayne begins typing lyrics into mocrosoft word* *paperclip pops onto screen* Do you mean ""digger""?"

"A boob job sounds like the best job in the world."