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Joke of the Day

"Can they make band aids that are easier and faster to unpack so I don't bleed to death?"

"Does anyone see the Irony in popeye eating lots of spinach? cause spinach, actually has tons of Iron in it....."

"I heard it's impossible to ban Tank tops in the US... Something about the right to bare arms..."

"What's the best hotel in the world? Auschwitz. 1.3 million stars."

"I try so hard not to upset my vegan girlfriend. I'm constantly treading on eggshells. Which she also doesn't approve of."

"Kids these days don't give a fuck about acid They're all about that base. Credit to /u/Assorted_Jellymemes"

"Neighbour mowed his lawn at 6am... Logic dictates that I should get drunk in the backyard tonight and try to learn to play the didgeridoo."

"Why are the cops in Ferguson Steelers fans? Bullet train!"

"That awkward moment when the operator asks you to read back the confirmation number."

"So if he didn't invent the internet... then why does everything in it run on ""Al Gore rhythms""?"