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Joke of the Day

"God only gives you what you can handle. Really? Because I'm pretty sure I could handle way more money."

"Photons have mass? Why, I didn't know they were Catholic!"

"She said I was average. That's just mean."

"According to my fitness app, I ate a 6 mile fruit roll-up."

"Of course Tom Brady got twice the suspension Ray Rice did. Ray Rice only beat his wife, Tom Brady beats everybody."

"What would you get if Harry Potter tried to kill Darth Vader? *A Vader Cadaver*"

"Somewhere along the way, I stopped trying to gain friends,,and just started enjoying reading and writing posts."

"What did the pirate say when his wife kept asking him about the steering wheel in his pants? ""Yargg! Woman! Stop asking me! You're driving me nuts!"""

"I get my guns from a guy named T-Rex... He's a small arms dealer"

"Who do fish listen to when they want to hear some dubstep? Krillex."