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Joke of the Day

"What did the pirate say when his wife kept asking him about the steering wheel in his pants? ""Yargg! Woman! Stop asking me! You're driving me nuts!"""

"How many elves does a german santa have? Elf."

"What has wings, but cannot fly. A dead bird."

"What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas? Forty feet of track - all straight!"

"Remember, when you're driving in the snow, it's important to speed up and go as fast as you can so you don't get stuck."

"What did the author say when he added a chapter about flour to a story about soup? The plot thickens!"

"There's a secret menu item at McDonald's but you can't order it, you can only get it by acting like a jerk. (Cheeseburger wiped on shoe)"

"I just want to be rich enough to add bacon without asking how much more it costs."

"""I live as a mountain man because I enjoy the isolation and I hate people. Film crews are cool though."" - Mountain Men on History Channel"

"I wish people's voices actually sounded the way they do when their spouse or partner imitates them during an argument."