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Joke of the Day

"Who do fish listen to when they want to hear some dubstep? Krillex."

"My wife told me she wanted the body of a stripper. But she screamed when I brought her one."

"Might be time to get in shape. Halfway up these stairs and I'm considering setting up base camp and trying again in the morning."

"Do people who use handkerchiefs know they don't have to hang on to the things that come out of their nose?"

"Why can't dinosaurs talk? Because they're all dead."

"How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? It's a pretty obscure number. You've probably never heard of it."

"I should have gone to see the optometrist I can't anymore"

"This morning I read about that 14 year boy with a clock they thought was a bomb ...I just checked again and it's really blown up since then"

"What do you call a snobbish criminal going down stairs? A condescending con descending"

"Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball."