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Joke of the Day

"What did the Japanese General say to his kamikaze trainee? Despite what everyone tells you, you'll never learn from your mistakes."

"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put ""U"" and ""I"" together."

"I got so drunk the other night that I lost my glasses. The rest is a blur."

"me: it's too hot *opens window* *in comes 305430 flies, 43866 spiders, 91193 moths, a serial killer, a paedophile and a burglar* (HELP)"

"In the future everyone will be older."

"I often go to fancy dress parties dressed as a shark.... Quite honestly, the novelty is wearing a little fin"

"What's the difference between a baby and a tree? Trees don't bleed when you cut their limbs off."

"Beethoven hyping the crowd. Beethoven: YOU WANNA HEAR A SYMPHONY? *crowd cheers* Beethoven: I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

"Just used my CVS receipt to build a really cool fort for the kids."

"What did the fish say when it swam into the wall? Ah dam!"