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Joke of the Day
"In the future everyone will be older."
Next Joke
"ProTip: Make sure heated seats are off before putting your purse on them...lipstick melts."
"What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? About halfway"
"I carry one of those tiny Swiss Army knives with me at all times. You never know when you'll need a tiny blade to thwart an attacker."
"Google+ is not a ""ghost town"", because a town filled with ghosts would actually be fun."
"I lost 7 followers today. It's nice to know some people are finally reading my tweets"
"And the Lord said unto John, ""Come forth and you will have eternal life"" But John came in fifth and won a toaster."
"If humans were chickens, the French Revolution would've been a lot funnier... because after cutting someone's head off, their headless body would run around a few times."
"*Dentist's waiting room* *Trying to make conversation with other patient* So... I guess you have teeth, too?"
"Just went to Walgreens & they're a bunch of liars. Their walls were more of a beige color. I'm suing."