137923

Joke of the Day

"I tried to kill myself once with Aspirin, but after the first two I felt better."

"Why do they have fences around a cemetery? Because people are dying to get in."

"the flight attendant came down the aisle holding out a bag of trash to me and i was like ""sure what the hell"" and grabbed a couple pieces"

"The Dress Joke ""Did you hear about that blue and black dress?"" ""No, what about it?"" ""Turns out it was white and gold."" ""Oh thaaat one."""

"My little girl loves helping me when I'm doing the cooking, because I always let her lick the spoon. The sooner she's old enough to buy her own heroin, the better."

"I hope the bomber suspect is made of green screen so we can all project our most feared skin color onto him."

"Two radio antennas got married.. The wedding was okay,but the reception was great."

"On predisents day we honor the big US man himself: Aberham Liclon. Tall, skinny, dry, and cruncy - he was america's carrot"

"Horrible at making friends I was always horrible at making friends. Even when I was a kid, my imaginary friend would play with the kid across the street."

"Why is YOLO popular all of a sudden? Was there seriously a problem of people thinking we lived twice?"