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Joke of the Day

"I found a worm on me. And now it's crawling in my skin."

"Dear Autocorrect, She's an amazing woman not an amazon woman. Thanks. And now I'm never getting laid."

"Every time I lose a sock I like to imagine it went to set one of Dobby's house elf friends free."

"What church do hypocrites belong to? All of them."

"According to my textbook, The old Greek currency was called Drachmae but apparently now they use a currency called *whoosh*"

"A woman gets hit by a car... looks like she got to see how the Mercedes Benz"

"I saw a girl texting while driving the other day.. it really pissed me off, so I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her."

"Why didn't Toronto's mayor tell us earlier about his drug use? It must have fallen through a crack."

"Did you hear about the man who couldn't keep his herb garden under control? He had bad thyme management."

"BREAKING NEWS: New iPad Will Do Same Sh*t other iPads Already Do!"