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Joke of the Day

"Why didn't Toronto's mayor tell us earlier about his drug use? It must have fallen through a crack."

"Q. What did the dog say when he sat on sand paper? A. ""Rough rough""."

"[My relationship with TV] There's nothing on. *watches nothing for the next six hours."

"""You've lost some weight."" sounds suspiciously like ""You were a disgusting fatso before, but I was too nice to say so.""."

"Her:""my blinkers don't work I think I'm out of blinker fluid"" Me:""your car doesn't have blinker fluid."" Her:""I JUST SAID THAT PAY ATTENTION"""

"Scariest thing ever: when a kid sings a nursery rhyme really slow."

"My mother-in-law is like a fine French Impressionist painting. She's very lovely but is best appreciated at a distance."

"Did you see the story about the missing dolphin? I'd tell you more about it but there's really no porpoise..."

"I don't think I will ever find a stable job... Because quite honestly I'm very uncomfortable around horses"

"Why women mature faster than men? Because men start growing breasts only after 40 years old."