13735

Joke of the Day

"I hate when I put food in the microwave and it starts making explosive noises so I check and it's still cold. Why you gotta be so childish?"

"[sketchy parking lot] stranger: hey man, can you jump my car? me: maybe if i get a running start"

"(Cargo pants filled with tater tots) ""How many do I need to get an Xbox?"" ""Sir, that's not how Toys for Tots works."" ""FALSE ADVERTISING!"""

"Why was the password a bad attorney? [OC] He was case sensitive!"

"Parliament should learn from Twitter, thousands of people shout here doing nothing productive, yet it never gets adjourned."

"I'm pretty sure this zombie fad is dead ... But for how long?"

"ME (wearing Tommy Hilfiger): ready to go? GF: not until u put on something less hideous TOMMY HILFIGER (climbs off me): that was unnecessary"

"My girlfriend was getting kinky in bed, and she said, ""Hurt me! Hurt me!"" So I got in my car and ran over her cat."

"Why do elephants have four feet? Because six inches would look silly."

"What do you call a girl that you meet on Reddit? You don't."