137306
Joke of the Day
"What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty"
Next Joke
"My kid's favorite joke right now: Knock knock. Who's there? I eat mop. ... omg that is SO gross"
"Advent calendars are fun if you ignore that every day is a new, fresh hell waiting to be survived."
"I have seen my first naked lady Sorry, I meant... I have seen my First Lady naked."
"I have to go to twitter for my news because the news is too busy showing me tweets."
"What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig? The letter F"
"""Hey. Here's some free oxygen. No prob! All I ask is that you don't let your dogs piss on m- Oh there he goes. He's pissing on me."" -trees"
"Britain is like a man on a toilet... It just wanted to get rid of that shit and leave."
"There's two things I hate. Hypocrisy and condescension. Do you understand what I mean?"
"[interview for CIA] Your resume says you're a master in hand-to-hand wombat. Is that a typo or- *I've already thrown a wombat at his face*"