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Joke of the Day

"A few weeks ago I wrote happy Eid to the Muslims and autocorrect changed it to Happy IED. It almost blew up in my face."

"How can you tell a redneck girl is a virgin? She can run faster than her brother."

"Where did the glue go on vacation? Nowhere! He just stuck around!"

"How does Justin Bieber remove a condom? He farts."

"Why did the little girl fall off the swing? She didn't have any arms!!"

"Me: ""I can't find your phone."" Her: ""Call it."" Me: ""Here, phone!"" Her: ""I hate you."""

"I had my hepatitis test today.... I did pretty well! I had one A, two B's, and a C! Edit: word"

"Has anyone else's world ended yet? Mayan hasn't."

"Why was Skippy falsely imprisoned? Because it was a kangaroo court."

"I just got my roof painted. The painters worked all day long, when I asked them how much I had to pay, they just replied, ""Don't worry about the paint, it's on the house. """