86145

Joke of the Day

"my husband...just pointed out d new strands of hair growing under my chin..... someones not getn laid tonight."

"Parents, what's the right age to explain to a Fox News anchor that Santa isn't real?"

"I can't believe how stupid that bloke in the Post Office was.... He said that my Parcel was too heavy and that I needed to put more stamps on it like that's going to make it lighter."

"What do you call it when a gay man is taking a poop? Filling a bowl of fruity pebbles."

"I have a buddy that likes to have sex with inanimate objects. We don't hang out much. He's always got stuff to do."

"A Segway segway Oh hey, speaking of Segways...."

"Why hasn't bigfoot ever gone to prison? Because he has only been convicted mythdemeanors."

"Why did Snoop Dogg need an umbrella? Fo Drizzle"

"I would be a bad fish. Fishermen would be like, ""omg i'm so ugly"" and I'd take the bait and disagree, instead of swimming away."

"""what's your most cherished memory keith?"" [looks at my wife and baby in crowd with loving smile] [leans into mic] i heard a dog laugh once"