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Joke of the Day

"Me: ""I can't find your phone."" Her: ""Call it."" Me: ""Here, phone!"" Her: ""I hate you."""

"Snapchat is going public in March with a $30 billion IPO. Investors only hope the value of stock shares holds up longer than its snaps."

"HA! [That's close enough.](http://windows.microsoft.com/en-us/internet-explorer/downloads/ie-9/worldwide-languages)"

"SOFT HIT......... A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke, but he was alright because it was a soft drink."

"You can learn a lot about a person just by watching them through binoculars 24 hours a day."

"His son asked him what gay meant. Son: Dad, what does gay mean? Dad: Happy son. It means happy. Son: Then are YOU gay DAD? Dad: No son...... i have a wife... EDIT: Damn this blew up. Thanks guys!"

"No thanks, newborn babies of literally any species on planet Earth. Come back when you're less pink & rubbery & can loan me thirty dollars."

"What is the frat guy's favorite ion? Bromide"

"What's the best thing about deadly snakes ? They've got poisonality !"

"Two Men are stranded on a Boat with three cigarettes but no matches. One man cleverly throws a cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter."