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Joke of the Day

"Pretty weird to think that in the future, there will be old people named 'Hailey' and 'Brayden' running around in vintage Twilight t-shirts."

"A midget walked into a bar I guess it was set too low."

"Sorry sweetie, but no. Alcohol is not an excuse for being a dirty slut. Nice try though."

"How do you test a pirate for crabs? Swab the deck!"

"Ominous music should play when you meet the wrong ppl."

"How did I get out of Afghanistan? Iran."

"I love how people say they're ""expecting"" a baby, as though it might be something else, like a penguin or a lawnmower."

"When faced with a challenging situation I calmly ask myself ""what would the hulk do?"" Then I rip my clothes and smash stuff up!"

"How does the universe throw a party? They planet."

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger Is a terrible thing to say to someone with a muscle eating disease."