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Joke of the Day

"I love how people say they're ""expecting"" a baby, as though it might be something else, like a penguin or a lawnmower."

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"A guy is lying on a field. There's a backpack lying on his back, and a lot of flies are flying around. What's in the backpack? A parachute."
"Why did Eve want to move to New York ? She fell for the Big Apple !"
"My wife treats me like GOD!! She takes no notice of my existence till she wants something."
"Just a hipster joke passing by... Why did the hipster burn his hand? Because he touched the heater before it was cool."
"DONALD TRUMP (45 minutes into watching wall-e): this film is not what i hoped it would be"
"Didn't know true sadness until I accidentally pressed a button on my iPhone camera and saw my face from 2 inches away."
"What's that pig doing in the middle of the road with a red light on its head? Didn't you tell me to put out a stop swine?"
"Want to hear a joke about ebola? You probably won't get it."
"Gonna let my boyfriend snort an eggroll out of my vagina while on a luge. Yeah we're having a Chinese New Year Olympic Valentine's Day."