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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you mix triangles with Tumblr? Trigger-Nometry"

"How do you make three pounds of fat attractive? Put a nipple on it."

"What is the smallest part of a little person? Their wee-knees!"

"[end of the night]*hand running through her hair, pulls out a lizard* ME: no not again *she unzips jacket, collapses into a pile of lizards*"

"Did you hear about the arms dealer who's giving away M18 Claymores with every purchase? Oh, I'm gonna get mines."

"And before bros, churros."

"Hilary Clinton goes to a psychic. The soothsayer tells her, ""Your husband will die a horrible violent death."" Hilary asks, ""Will I be acquitted?"""

"People say you never see ninjas but I see their girlfriends hanging around mosques all the damn time."

"Body language tells us a lot about people. For example, my neighbor really doesn't like to be held underwater for more than 2 minutes."

"Pro tip: never tell a three-year-old that you're going to Disney unless you plan on leaving that very second."