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Joke of the Day

"Body language tells us a lot about people. For example, my neighbor really doesn't like to be held underwater for more than 2 minutes."

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"Cats make the best boyfriends because they're soft, loyal, and won't claim they're straight but then turn gay after one lousy date, BRENT!"
"You know people who call their penis wood? Can they say they have a two-by-fore-skin?"
"Why did Eminem make a terrible barista? Because he kept insisting everyone only get one shot."
"Why was Obama nervous when eating a T-bone aboard Air Force One? Because the steaks had never been higher."
"[M]y boyfriend asked me i[f] I could do him in the butt. I never pegged him for that type of guy."
"What do you do when a timeline dies? Barry it."
"How do you get a bass player off your porch? Pay him for the pizza."
"What's red and smells like green paint? Red Paint"
"hey Colorado, hows your aspen? (ass been)"