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Joke of the Day

"Hilary Clinton goes to a psychic. The soothsayer tells her, ""Your husband will die a horrible violent death."" Hilary asks, ""Will I be acquitted?"""

"My OCD requires me to slit the throats of people who sing Christmas songs to themselves out loud in quiet workplaces. The Cops understand."

"How do you spot a dwarf in a drugstore? He's the smallest one"

"Saw some cows just standing around in a field doing absolutely nothing. Get a job, hippies."

"What does a girl have in common with a camel? They both have a camel toe."

"Hey, the 1700's called, they said please invent telephones."

"I met Mrs. Right today Too bad she's already married."

"""Great, now we're looking at luggage. Not like we need more luggage."" Me, 11/25/2015"

"Mosquitos are like family. Annoying but they carry your blood."

"I'm great in bed; I can sleep for days."