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Joke of the Day

"My pet deer was addicted to painkillers after surgery so I tried to send her to rehab..... .... but I didn't have the doe"

"[yelling over loud strip club music] DO YOU ACCEPT KOHLS KASH"

"Why dont Egyptian Chefs do well in the circus? They always fal-afel off the tight rope."

"Fidel Castro was alive?"

"Asked someone today if they knew any good antonyms for yes They didn't know any"

"Well, if it doesn't include antidepressants, they shouldn't call it a Happy Meal."

"What do you get when you hold two green balls tightly in your hand? A leprachaun's undivided attention."

"My friend stabbed me with a pencil, I guess you could say I got the point."

"Mommy! I found a $10 bill today, but I threw it away, cus it was fake. ""Oh, how did you know it was fake?"" ""It had two zeroes instead of one."""

"My one weakness? Probably my unshakable belief that, despite a total lack of training, I'll be able to do karate if I'm ever in a fight."