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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you hold two green balls tightly in your hand? A leprachaun's undivided attention."

"don't you just hate it when a zombie breaks into your home and starts doing their ironing right in front of the TV"

"Friend: Who's that? Me: Oh...that's crazy Kathy. F: Why do you call her that? Is she funny or something? Me: No. She eats hair."

"We've all heard of Whistler's Mother.... But what about Whistler's Father? I guess you could say that he's out of the picture."

"How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? *Fish.*"

"If you show up to a job interview high and tired... You're hired!"

"My hangover has been going on for so long that I'm beginning to wonder if Peter Jackson directed it."

"When I die, my only wish is for my corpse to be respectfully catapulted onto a whitewater raft of people going down the Colorado river"

"Shot my first turkey today.. scared the shit out of everyone in the frozen food section..."

"What do you get when you hold a mothball in your left hand and a mothball in your right hand? A rather excited moth"