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Joke of the Day

"My one weakness? Probably my unshakable belief that, despite a total lack of training, I'll be able to do karate if I'm ever in a fight."

"My friend was frozen to absolute zero... He's pretty 0K with it."

"I was at a gay nineties party last night. All the men were gay and all the women were ninety."

"I could lose 120 pounds in less than a week, but apparently there's some kind of silly NewYork law against killing your ex."

"What did the deer first say when he got to church? Deer God, please forgive me of my sins."

"How does a blonde high-five? She smacks herself in the forehead. "

"Did you hear about jared from subway? ""Yea he lost like 200 pounds"""

"You know what Trump and the Note 7 have in common? You know it will blow up, just not when."

"EA cut so many corners with the Sims 4 that they made a circle."

"[Car dealership] Me: *taps glove box* How 'bout this one? Salesman: Sir, we've been over this, I don't know how many McNuggets it will hold."