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Joke of the Day

"To all of you who tweet constantly about drinking wine... Somebody has to say it. GRAPE JOKES AREN'T FUNNY."

"People say I don't have what it takes Yeah, because every time I get it, it takes it."

"My butcher's assistant is a little person. I tried to bet him he couldn't sell me one of his top-shelf filets. ""No bet,"" he said. ""The steaks are too high."""

"I burned 1000 calories by lighting my arm on fire"

"What's the difference between a dog and a fox? About 6 beers."

"What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russell"

"What do gay horses eat? Horse penis"

"Tilda Swinton is what happens when a lamp from IKEA becomes self aware."

"What's the difference between Hillary Clinton and Mitt Romney I'm not laughing either"

"Horses are nice, they're like motorcycles you can pet"