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Joke of the Day

"What kind of pants do Mario and Luigi wear? Denim Denim Denim"

"My office has started random urine testing of employees to detect traces of hope or optimism."

"Do not use ""Whoomp! There it is!"" unless it actually is there."

"Me: this is bullshit. conditioner and shampoo in one? impossible Walmart employee who I have in a headlock: sir I didn't make the shampoo"

"Why should I excuse your dear aunt Sally? Her operations were not unprecedented."

"Personal space is a concept I did not understand in Kindergarten I guess that's why they fired me."

"My girlfriend might not be the sharpest girl around. I accidentally left my phone at her house last night. I went back over to get it and saw she had texted me 5 times telling me I forgot it."

"Thanks, motion sensor restroom sinks, I only wanted to wash my hands for 0.0000251 seconds anyway"

"I always have a quick look over my shoulder when sorting out my washing for the washing machines ""Blacks!"" ""Coloured!"" ""Whites!"""

"What do you call a woman who has a lot of sex? Her name."