105032

Joke of the Day

"Thanks, motion sensor restroom sinks, I only wanted to wash my hands for 0.0000251 seconds anyway"

"Have any you ever tried to throw out a garbage can ? I leave it on the curb everyday, and its always there when I get back from work."

"What did the the black boy get for Christmas? Your Bike..."

"[My band playing on stage] New GF's friend: Which one is the boy you've been seeing? New GF: *sees me playing accordion* He died"

"Me: Baby-proofed the house like you wanted Wife: Ya? Me: Ya. Locks, fence, barbed wire, the works Her:.. Me: No way a baby's gettin in here."

"What do you mean dinosaurs didn't have titties?! *throws my camera on the ground and causes a scene as I leave the museum *"

"What did the fish say when it ran into the wall? Dam"

"A gas station had 2 signs in the window, help wanted and self-service. I walked in and hired myself. credit: Steven Wright"

"What'd the leper say to the prostitute? Keep the tip."

"What do you call a bunch of black people in a pile of leaves? Raisin Bran"