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Joke of the Day

"You should never have sex with your family member. No matter how much they incest!"

"If my memory serves me, the last time I was someone's type, I was donating blood."

"How many aspiring actresses does it take to screw in a lightbulb? I don't know - normally they screw in the casting director's hot tub"

"I am really feeling like a bicycle today. Too tired!"

"Girl: My doctor says I can't have sex for two weeks...:-( Boy: What did your dentist say?"

"Why don't you invite a Comcast worker to your party? Because nobody likes his company!"

"[at my house after 1st date] me: so, do you wanna have some sex? her: well, I don't normally do this...but I think I'll pass"

"There's a very thin line between having your foot out of the covers enough to stay cool but not enough so it gets eaten by monsters."

"I could've sworn there was less grunting and moaning the last time I put these pants on... Maybe the donut in my mouth muffled it"

"*armadillo comes rolling back in the ball return* ""Wait.. if you're here, then..."" *cut to wife sobbing at bowling ball* ""UNCURL, FREDRICK!"""