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Joke of the Day

"How many aspiring actresses does it take to screw in a lightbulb? I don't know - normally they screw in the casting director's hot tub"

"Dyslexic devil worshipper Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper who soul his sold to santa?"

"Why does a midget laugh while running Because the grass tickles his balls"

"what do you call a male suppository? A manpon"

"I don't trust this 'would you like cash back' bullshit. I'm trying to give you my money, but you're also trying to give me my money? Weird."

"How do you get a drummer off of your porch? pay for the pizza."

"This guy was all like ""I think you've had enough beers for one night."" Then I'm all ""Fuck you, fridge. Appliances can't even talk."""

"Just like the DNC run-off between Hillary and Obama in 2008.. ...it looks a woman is going to lose to a colored man."

"I may have Alzheimer's but at least I don't have Alzheimer's."

"Took a window fitting course the other day. Smashed it."