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Joke of the Day
"If my memory serves me, the last time I was someone's type, I was donating blood."
Next Joke
"How did the hipster burn his mouth? He sipped his coffee before it was cool."
"You can tell a lot about a woman from her shoes If they're behind her ears, she likes you"
"Wife texts husband on a cold winters morning: ""Windows frozen."" Husband texts back: ""Pour some lukewarm water over it."" Wife texts back 5 mins later: ""Computer completely fucked now."""
"-911 Whats the emergency? My wife is suffocating me -Literally or figuratively sir? Well thats a stupid question. How would I be talking?"
"Why is Russian the most dangerous language to learn? Because it's Russki."
"When I grow up I want to be a fire truck... I want to be big, red and have 8 men in me at once"
"According to the second law of thermodynamics......... According to the second law of thermodynamics, you're supposed to share your hotness with me. :)"
"I'd read books on my iPad but it has movies and those work better with my stupid."
"The sampler tester at the liquor store told me to stop coming back every hour in a disguise."