71225

Joke of the Day

"I could've sworn there was less grunting and moaning the last time I put these pants on... Maybe the donut in my mouth muffled it"

"So I asked my wife, were you faking it last night? She said: no I really was asleep. (I heard this from Gazzo on Penn & Teller: Fool Us)"

"Ugh, who has time to work out?... I say before a 45 minute nap."

"Why was the mathematician late for work? He took the rhombus."

"Q: What did Snow White say when she dropped off her film? A: ""Some day my prints will come."""

"Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent and appearance suggests that you hail from the southeast."

"When 2016 has to kill one more thing Mariah Carey's career"

"In congested traffic, it's best to stay on the right side of the road. It'd be a real tragedy if you were on the wrong side."

"Wondering why my jokes aren't being upvoted. All of my employees laugh at my jokes, so I'm obviously a funny guy."

"If I owned a bar I would pour myself shots all the time, look in the mirror, wink and say ""It's on the house."""