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Joke of the Day

"Invention a German engineer has just invented a land mine that looks like a prayer mat. You should invest in this because prophets are going through the roof!"

"If the new Instagram logo makes you upset, wait until you hear about child soldiers in central Africa."

"One of my co-workers didn't come in today because apparently he's constipated. What a shit excuse."

"(taken from my kid's favorite show 'Arthur') What is a sea monster's favorite meal? Fish and Ships"

"Me: Nice new car, boss Boss: Well, if you set yourself targets, work hard, stay focused, next year I'll be able to buy an even better one"

"I do this cool trick when you introduce yourself where I concentrate on literally anything else in the universe except your name."

"Son: ""I got expelled"" Dad: ""How?"" Son: ""I wrote 2 + 2 = 41 on the whiteboard."" Dad: ""That's pretty dumb but-"" Son: ""Then my teacher told me to go up to the board..."" Dad: ""Ok?"" Son: ""And rub 1 out."""

"A girl goes into the doctors and says, 'Doctor i have a pencil stuck in my pussy i might get lead poisoning, doctor looked and said ' dont worry it has a rubber on it."

"I don't always have pre-marital sex... But when I do it's not with my wife."

"Why doesn't George R. R. Martin use Twitter? He killed all 140 characters."