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Joke of the Day

"Son: ""I got expelled"" Dad: ""How?"" Son: ""I wrote 2 + 2 = 41 on the whiteboard."" Dad: ""That's pretty dumb but-"" Son: ""Then my teacher told me to go up to the board..."" Dad: ""Ok?"" Son: ""And rub 1 out."""

"Hey, bus driver... Would you stop and let me and my friend, Jack off?"

"What do you call a collection of memes? A memeoir."

"I've just got back from a funeral of a friend who was killed after being hit in the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service."

"What's the worst part about swim-up bars? The watery stools"

"How many rocks did Hank Schrader have in his collection by the end of Breaking Bad? None, they were all minerals."

"What do you call a guy that's lost his car? Carlos"

"When jogging, if i get tired, I insult the people i pass in my head & then imagine having to get away as they chase me..."

"How many Surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb To get to the other side"

"My Gran died of asbestosis. It was terrible, it took us four months to cremate her."